That time of year…

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While many endure the hustle and bustle of the Christmas shopping rush, I sit quietly under a tree and start feeling the same feeling I feel every year… That lonely little spot in my heart is widening…

I try to suppress it, but as December looms, it becomes undeniable; I miss her…

I stare at the cold oven in my kitchen and imagine what it could have been like if she had not left. The oven would have been hot, crammed full of cookies, ready to be devoured as Christmas morning came. BonyM songs would fill the house and make it a home; my home.

I turn my tear stained face towards a sound behind me and my daughter takes my hand, smiles and says, “Mommy, I love you.” I feel the sting of longing in my heart dulls into a low ache. I have my own family now…

But late at night, when the lights are out and I am alone in my bed, I still long for those simple words to cross my own lips… “Mommy, I love you…”

1 thought on “That time of year…

  1. Diane Steinbach Reply

    I understand. I didn’t lose my mother until I was in my 30s, but the loss still effects every day of my life. It’s weird how that Mother energy is so important in our everyday life. I guess we have to Mother ourselves and know that our birth-mothers are still there, just on the other side of the veil – ever- thinning as it is…. watching and smiling as we become a new version of them in this world for a time.

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